Spongebob Squarepants endorses Bush candidacy

By Ross Thomas

BIKINI BOTTOM -- In a surprise announcement yesterday Nickelodeon cartoon character Spongebob Squarepants endorsed President Bush's bid for re-election.

At a 3am press conference the bright yellow undersea creature revealed his rationale for picking Bush over the other candidates.

"I think George is the best choice for Bikini Bottom," he shrieked. "I like him almost as much as I like jellyfish! He's great!"

Accompanied by his close friend and advisor Patrick Star, the angular sessile marine invertebrate screeched that he felt compelled to speak out on Bush's behalf following the recent endorsement of Democratic nominee John Kerry by Squarepants' arch nemesis, Sheldon J. Plankton.

Squarepants went on gratingly to explain how he feels he has much in common with the president.

"For a start neither of us have a backbone," he bellowed. "And we've both absorbed a lot of liquid in our time."

"Bahahahahahahahahahahahaha!" he added.